Tomorrow Is Another Day

For tonight, i'm done, i'm cooked, my brain is fried.
I'm beginning to hate the internet. with a passion brighter than a thousand suns.

People think they can say whatever they want to you, and disregard feelings, because there is a little screen in between.

All this fucking drama started because i didn't want to drive to Boca. Words got put into my mouth.

I don't like shopping, i don't like rich people...blarg i could care less, i live in Palm Beach, i lived in Port St Lucie. It's the same all over the damn state. it's FLORIDA..what do you expect. This of course leads me to believe that the person who put these words into my mouth has issues with this stuff and turned me into the bad guy.

Or maybe it's jealously they didn't come up with the Scavenger hunt? i'm just thinking aloud here. but it could come across this way. Granted, anyone who wanted to come help plan was welcome, we started the planning for it on Saturday. /shrug

There are many stages of Grief, (well 5, but it's still a lot). Earlier i posted about how grief kept me from enjoying certain places. Mourning that happened to me as a teenager. A very angry, goth, angsty teenager. Now i'm going to close that door and open another one. Just a little tidbit of thought.

When one door closes, another one opens.

My mom and dad got divorced, if they hadn't Mom wouldn't be with Richard, who treats her like a queen and my Dad wouldn't have met Diana and my half-brother Zack wouldn't exsist.

If my grandmother had lived she would have been in pain, pain is bad. She would have been disappointed in where so many of our family's lives have gone, or are going, but she would have done what she always did, been a shoulder to lean on and cry on. This is something i must learn. I am inspired.

More recently mom's best friend Terry died of Lymphoma. Terry left us with such a hole in our lives, but we spent many nights remembering the fun times. I got to recall and look back through my pictures of our trip to New Orleans, pre-Katrina. I got my camera back out and started doing photography again. A passion of mine.

If these things hadn't happened in my life, if i hadn't lost these people when i did, who would i be? would i have met my husband? would i have my daughter? So many things i am grateful for, so many opened doors i've looked through waiting for my chances, and so many doors i've closed, not needing what they represent.

Knitting should be fun.
Spinning should be fun.
Getting out of the house when you're a stay at home mom, and having adult conversaton...is essential.
the drama, is not.

i am closing this door. Eventually, another one will open. or maybe i'm looking through it right now.

Can i fix this?
do i want to?
These are my choices.

For Sandi's sake i'd like to say i can, she's my friend. But you can't please everyone all the time. I don't deserved to be attacked, i don't deserve to be singled out.
do i really want to? i don't know these people, i wanted to, sandi always said such nice things about them. but after this, it's not worth it. They are perpetuating the "Snobby boca" stereotype.

I will continue to go to the Gardens group that meets at the Barnes and Noble in Legacy Place. I will bring my spinning wheel and i will spin with Sandi, i will bring my Drop spindle and show Sung-Ji how to ply (if she still wants me to). I will keep going to Stuart to see Gail and bullshit and knit, and knit her things for the new baby that's on the way. I will hang out with Jen and talk about geeky stuff, and learn to read a knitting chart. And all along the way i'll keep my eyes open for those doors.

In Paganism we have a saying.

Merry Meet, and Merry Part, and Merry Meet Again.

no one ever truly leaves you, it's only a temporary goodbye, like goodnight, only a little longer.

Good Night Internet

-Paula